Category Archives: Bitch

Over before it began

I felt from the moment he said, “I don’t understand contemporary art, I just don’t get it”, this was probably not going to happen. I persisted despite this.  We went to some crazy theatre production about a woman obsessed.  After, I said that it disturbed me, I felt she should have been stronger.  He said “that’s why I like it”…

We went to a coffee shop, had Chai, talked politics and agreed on many topics. At the end he said he preferred not to get into politics.  It was over.

(If I could draw I would have done this as a comic)

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Just one of the many reasons not to watch ‘The Shire’

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Let me start by saying, I have nothing against reality TV. In fact, I have been known to watch both Jersey Shore and The Hills. ‘The Shire’ on Ten has already been compared to all.  I’m not bagging the ‘reality’ of it, The Shire is nothing we haven’t seen before.  A bunch of beaches, throw in some pretty looking people, that’s Australia in  a ‘reality’ package. And they must be white! so so white! Well, not so white, they do err on the side of oompa loomp. Also the shows central characters Matt and Kerry are a  very pretty multiracial couple so score 1 to Ten. The shire has a bit of a bad rep though, not totally deserved (as any resident of Sutherland Shire will tell you) but it’s there.

How much  will “The Shire” reflect on what this area represents to many Australians? Years after the Cronulla Riots, Will these models and surfers acknowledge one of the worst racial attacks in recent history?

My guess is no.  In order to make it palatable for the average Aussie, they might have a little talking heads moment but I highly doubt it will come to any breakthroughs.  We have a pretty solid history of racist denial here in the “Lucky Country”.  Alternatively, we have Joe Hildebrand over at the ABC, talk about being an apologist!  Not only did we learn that we’re racist but we’re actually more racist than Poor Joe first thought. *sarcasm* what an eye-opener! Now before you accuse me of hating on Australia (or *gasp* being ‘Un-Australia) I’d like to clarify. I love my country, there’s a lot of good things, beautiful and amazing things & people but I’m open-minded enough to admit that we have a long way to go.  We might just deserve that bad reputation.

Here’s something you need to repeat to yourself while watching The Shire… ‘First step to being the perfect racist is not admitting that you’re a racist.’

P.S. If you do also choose to watch I assure you that not all the residents of Sutherland Shire are like this.

(photo courtesy: The Leader)

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The Amazing Race Australia takes on the “cougar”

Here in Australia, we’re not that big on differences. Those differences often become the punchline. Sarah has an unconventional look,  which by Aussie standard means she deserves some “good-humoured” ribbing.  I admit my first thought upon seeing her visage was “Holy eyebrows, who told her that was okay?” But this post is not about that, It’s not here to body snark on her cosmetic tattoos, nor the fact that she loves heels so much she’s trying to patent the “Hunner” (that’s a Heel + runner in one). Part of me wants to, but I know that it’s mean and it’s also unnecessary, especially when I know nothing about her but a few clips on TV (this is what being a grown up is about, I think).  No, I’m here to discuss the name she’s been tagged with, “The Cougar”.  I kind of get the feeling from the explanation of James and Sarah’s relationship on the Amazing Race’s webpage and this advertisement, they’re a little obsessed with their ages. “JAMES IS 23” it says, “Sarah is…. (dun dun dunnn) 32” *gasp* *pearl clutch*  THAT’S 9 WHOLE YEARS.  However, we don’t just go ahead and say we think it’s wrong or it’s odd.  So we do what’s considered socially acceptable in our society,  we laugh at her and label her a Cougar. Secretly thinking that the younger man, who admitted to being friends with Sarah before the relationship, is caught up in her matronly clutches.  What else can Sarah do but laugh along like a “good sport” as we shame her. So what’s our problem? If it was an older man/younger woman situation would it be as much of a joke? often in that case, the man often evades target while the woman gets labeled a gold-digger. He may get the more widely accepted ‘Sugar daddy’ and a pat on the back for being such a stud. What of a relationship with 2 men? I believe ‘Twink’ and ‘Daddy’ may have been bandied around at one time or another but it seems to be far less of an issue in the queer community.

Why do we find it so uncomfortable that a woman might appreciate the company of a younger man?  Does Sarah deserve to be the butt of our jokes because of that? or because her looks are unconventional?  Not from what I’ve seen but must be missing something.  Maybe I just don’t get the ‘joke’.

(sources: The Amazing Race – James and Sarah, Youtube)


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Sometimes I delight in my fat rolls

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Sometimes I delight in my fat rolls. I didn’t always have them. I grew up a very skinny kid, the     kind that could barely put on weight.  If I didn’t like what people gave me, I wouldn’t eat it.  Then I’d proceeded to eat whatever my body would want.
As I grew I got jabs about how small and skinny I was, “put some weight on you.” “You’re skin and bones.” “eat more”,  I realised that where others had breasts where I had barely nubbins. I felt asexual, not that you should be ashamed of asexuality, but at that time you think “what’s wrong with me?” After my first boyfriend, I realised what I was isn’t asexual. I was threatened by men, who I hardly understood but I was slowly realising that my body as it was can be a powerful thing.  At 22 I started putting on weight, I developed stretch marks of which I was ashamed.  I was loved but I felt I did not deserve it. So much was caught up in this idea of perfection, I would not let him touch my little stomach although he delighted in it. I lost the bit of extra weight, I gained again.  I lost love, I gained love. I lost again.
So much of who I was, was tied up in this idea that I was not good enough.  My figure it’s boyish but carries some weight. My thighs, my love handles, my stomach created a strange undulating silhouette but it was definitely not an hourglass, more like a jelly baby. As I get older and in my 32 year I revel in my fat rolls. they are part of me. The only time they cause me pain is when my clothes don’t fit right, when I see my bottom from behind it’s a little saggy.  When I see that gorgeous girl with the larger figure, her stomach is still as flat as a pancake and her breast are a force to be reckoned with, I’m jealous.
It’s others who shame me with their well-meaning words, It’s for others that I go to my most hated place, The Gym. I want to stop listening to others because sometimes I delight in my fat rolls, they’re part of me.

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Are we all assholes?

I spent some time watching ‘Girls’ tonight and I realised that some things at 20, are still the same at 30.  What a fucking breakthrough. I have nothing in common with these people other than the crippling anxiety that still plagues me, the ‘not quite good enough’ feeling. I feel like I’m still a pretty good person though.  Which brings me to another thought.

I’m starting to think that, honestly, we’re a bunch of  assholes. In fact, asshole behaviour is not just encouraged, it is celebrated.  Every time we reveal a little guilty secret about having slept with someone we shouldn’t have or that zinger we trot out at someone’s expense.  we’re encouraged to think of ourselves first, sure, we do charitable things but because it makes us feel better and less of the asshole we are while we look down on others who aren’t as “giving” as we are. Guess what? that makes you an asshole. We’re living our lives like an Ayn Rand Utopian vision, all the while saying ‘at least I’m not as bad as that guy.’ But then again, maybe I’m just the asshole.

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Do names still have a gender?

 

You may have heard by now that Jessica Simpson finally popped out a lil one after the longest pregnancy in history (probably not but lets not pretend we weren’t thinking it.)  The second tidbit is that she named her little girl Maxwell Drew.  The comments have been going off a bit at this info.  “but that’s 2 boys names?”  I will not lie a few comments tickled me a bit and made me think she really does have a good sense of humour, but the former was honestly my first thought. Luckily my developed brain then skipped straight into, What right do I have to judge what gender a name is? I expect the first girl or boy to be called Sydney would not appreciate it.

About.com has a list of 121 Unisex names and I’m sure there is more added to this list everyday including Maxwell.  It’s universally accepted that Bailey can be either a girl or a boy. An let’s face it, everybody knows that you can’t look at a baby and be able to tell it’s a boy or girl. However, people get so worked up about it like the downfall of the world came with the non-gender specific onesie/romper or, baby jeebus help us, if you happen to dress a boy in pink.  Just stop confusing people, you hippies!

Moral here is, it’s not my place or yours to judge what gender a name is.  Save your pity and confusion for the sadly misspelled phonetic ones like Shy-anne, DestyNeigh, Madisyn.

Pictures courtesy of TheAge & AP, Funny Photos, Missworld.tumblr.com

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Things I have discovered about myself in the last minute or so

I am far more witty in anonymous comments then on Facebook

I have a real sadistic streak, but only if it’s mutually beneficial to all.   Especially when it comes  to rich people and mining. Honestly! have you seen this? (via theAwl)

Clowns freak me out a lot less than they used to.  Watch the promo and donate to fund our film Smile. It will probably not help you get to the same place I am but it will be damn fun!

I have a mountain of clothes but none of them go together. Okay I discovered that earlier but it’s a serious problem, don’t you think?

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